


there he goes

by devoidofcolors



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: M/M, idk how to tag just read the notes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-01
Updated: 2019-05-01
Packaged: 2020-02-10 22:28:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,182
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18669625
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/devoidofcolors/pseuds/devoidofcolors
Summary: "Although he is still convinced that only you can save yourself, that doesn't mean Jooheon doesn't see how helpful other people can be as a medicine for bad weathers and Minhyuk is that sunshine that can clear the clouds over him and heal his pain."Inspired by the lyrics to The La's "There she goes", a brief story about inner demons and how two boys are learning to fight them by leaning onto each other.





	there he goes

**Author's Note:**

> hello! this is my first ff but at the same time it's not, since I had another account with this very same handle and I had published another one shot but I deleted everything a while ago (:  
> in the tags I said to read the notes but I don't know well how to explain myself?? just there's mention to mental health but not in a medical way (that's not what I'm trying to portray), there's only slight references to dark thoughts and as I wrote in the summary "inner demons", and I just want you to be aware of this  
> English is not my first language so if there are mistakes... well... sorry for that

 

_There (s)he goes._

That is the evergreen line stuck in Jooheon's mind. Of course he has known the song from before but he has heard it played in a store a few weeks ago and now he can't stop listening to it. He wakes up in the morning and he doesn't even have the time to open his eyes that The La's are already saluting him with their words _racing through his brain_. “There it goes again”, he can't help but think. The more the song plays in his head, the more he ends up wanting to listen to it. The more he listens to it, the more it sticks to his head. It's a mean cycle. The song doesn't come alone though. It comes with a face. The face that he has been seeing for a couple weeks at the bus stop where he usually waits every morning, earphones on.

He was listening to it when he saw him for the first time. _There he goes._ A stunning sight that made his hurt jump. A perfect profile scrupolously turning from left to right before crossing the street, runway worthy legs walking towards the opposite pavement and stopping on one side of the bus shelter, the back of a head covered with strawberry blonde hair tilting in confusion in front of bus numbers and timetable information, and finally turning to a staring Jooheon who had been standing there the whole time, following the stranger's movements. A timid smile suddenly appearing on a face with beautiful features.

“Hey.” Jooheon couldn't hear a thing because of the music in his ears. He took the earphones off, that song still echoing in his mind. “Can you help me?” A sweet, high-pitched voice.

“Sure.”

The stranger got closer and took out his phone to show something to him, a map, and pointed at the place he needed to reach. He said he thought there was a bus line that would take him there. Or at least that was what the Internet suggested but he noticed that the the number of the line was not written anywhere at the bus stop. Jooheon explained that it had not been long since they changed the route for that line so that was probably why it was wrong on the web. But he also told him that he could take the same bus as him since it stopped around that same area. The stranger smiled again, more widely this time.

Jooheon was happy that he could help him of course. He was happy to see him relieved. He was happy when he thanked him. But, he admitted, above all he was happy that he would not lose sight of that guy who had aroused a certain interest in him.

When the bus arrived and they hopped on it together, he tried to start a conversation and he was glad that the other was just as willing to talk to him. Maybe even more than him. He explained that he had just moved to the area and hence he still needed to figure out everything, especially considering that he had always been used to walking everywhere, coming from a small village. The fact that he was in a big city now and did not know anyone apart from his brother who had been living there for a few years was quite unsettling, he confessed. He mentioned that the place he had to reach was precisely his brother's office, where he would be working from that moment on, and that possibly he would often need to take the bus there. He said he hoped he would meet Jooheon again. He remembered that he had forgotten to introduce himself. He was called Minhyuk.

 

_There he goes again._

Jooheon has met him almost every day at the bus stop since then. That is why the lyrics apply to his situation and the song has not left him alone for so long. Often he arrives there first and, like the first time, he catches sight of Minhyuk arriving from the other side of the road, both of them more and more pleased  to see each other as days go by.

Minhyuk is the most loquacious person Jooheon has ever met. He enjoys talking the most, he admits. He knows he can be annoying but it is not something he can help. He doesn't like thoughts remaining just thoughts, he always feels the need to put them out there. He keeps a diary and uses social media for when he doesn't have anyone to converse with or he even talks to himself. It is especially hard now that he lives alone and he hasn't made friends yet. Plus, his brother doesn't like listening to him going on and on about whatever is going on in his mind. Especially not when they are working. Outside the office as well, his brother is a quiet, reserved person that can't stand idle talking, even if it comes from his sibling. Above all if it comes from his sibling. His brother detests people who open their mouth a lot but have no real substance and he abhors the idea of his brother being among them. He wants him to be focused and consice. Minhyuk feels lonely sometimes and he is glad he has met Jooheon, who seems so willing to give a ear to what he has to say, even though he is also a bit sorry about bombarding him with his monologues.

Jooheon likes his candor though. He doesn't mind Minhyuk telling him what is on his mind. He wants to know about him. And he doesn't agree when Minhyuk says his are monologues since he has his part in their conversations, too. Sure, Minhyuk's is definitely bigger but Jooheon is able to convey something about himself as well. His college life, the flat he lives in with his roommates, the music he makes until late at night because that is the only time of the day that he is free to leisurely spend cultivating this passion of his. He likes the fact that Minhyuk seems genuinely interested in him. Well, with Minhyuk there's no need to talk about impressions. He is so honest that every time Jooheon wants to assume something about him it ends up being either confirmed or proved wrong by himself right away. It doesn't just seem that Minhyuk is curious about him. He has stated so.

Indeed, if Jooheon had to describe Minhyuk with just one word, that would be “statement”. He doesn't suggest things, he states them. Period. Maybe for some people it may look like someone like that is not mysterious enough. Somehow, people fancy what remains unknown, the sublime of having to discover everything at a slow pace, keeping the suspense high. It is different for Jooheon, though. He is the type that cannot stand the feeling of being on his toes. He is the type that looks for the ending of a film or a book on the Internet beforehand because he doesn't enjoy that anxious feeling of wait. He is the type that doesn't like things left unsaid and despises secrets. He is the type that believes that it is way better for people not to hide anything because he wants to know what to expect from them. He hates surprises. He has had enough of liars. He is sick of having to read people. Minhyuk is more than an open book. His being flows into Jooheon's ears and is stored in his brain to keep. And this works perfectly fine for him.

Moreover, Minhyuk seems to need it. Letting go of thoughts is a means of self-care for him. He may look cheerful most of the time but some of the ideas, images, reflections running through his mind are dark and nasty. He lets them out to get rid of them and he trusts Jooheon enough to make him the one who receives them. They can be heavy but he feels that he can accept them. Sometimes his own thoughts can get gloomy and somber too and Minhyuk is ready to return the favor and listen to him. It has been only a few weeks since they've met but they've already shared a lot about their lives.

 

_There he goes again, racing through my brain and I just can't contain this feeling that remains._

Even though they have been talking like this for weeks at the bus stop and on their morning route, their relationship has not made much progress. The thought of Minhyuk crosses Jooheon's mind on a daily basis but he doesn't know what to make of it. On the one hand, he is okay with the way things are now. They have created a space for themselves and he is afraid that stepping out of it might make things more complicated. He doesn't know if he can stand complicated things for the time being. That is why he still hasn't asked for his number. On the other hand, he is aware that it is a very stupid move. What if Minhyuk suddenly stopped going to the bus stop for some reason? He wouldn't know how to contact him. He only knows the bus stop where he gets off but he doesn't know where his workplace is exactly. He wonders why he has heard all kinds of things coming from his mouth apart from the essentials. He doesn't even know his address despite them living close to one another.

He realizes it is time to make a step forward, even though it scares him. The way Minhyuk is always  _racing through his brain_ is scary. The  _feeling that remains_ when he hops off of the bus and stands there waving at him until the doors are closed again and the vehicle leaves him behind, that is also scary. Jooheon feels his absence and misses the ringing sound of his voice and hangs onto those “see you tomorrow” and longs for the morning when they are going to meet again. Every day he asks himself why he hasn't had the courage to ask something as stupid as a phone number yet. But he also wonders why Minhyuk hasn't asked him yet either. Although he is convinced that Minhyuk likes him too, sometimes he worries that is way of liking him is different from his own. He is aware that if he just asked Minhyuk, he would probably be honest as usual, affirm or deny it, and be over with it. But the way he  _can't contain his feelings_ anymore is terrifying.

He doesn't have it in him to inquire about Minhyuk's feelings yet but the next time they meet he finds some courage to ask him for his number and address at least.

“I thought you would never ask me.”

This reply makes Jooheon sigh of relief but at the sime time he doesn't understand why Minhyuk was waiting for him to ask him first. He is frank as usual. “Sometimes I wonder if you like me or just bear with me being annoying. After all, there's not much you can do. You have a bus to wait for and I'm just here, spitting words on words that maybe you don't even care about that much. I worried that you were simply being kind to me. I'm still worried. I don't know if you should give me your number. You might get sick of me texting and calling you.”

Jooheon shakes his head in disbelief and tells him there is no way that he is ever going to get tired of him. He snatches Minhyuk's phone from his hands and saves his own number in his contacts before he can protest. Then he proceeds to send himself a text so that he too can have the other's number.

Minhyuk giggles. “There's no need to be so aggressive. But thank you.” He leaves an unexpected kiss on Jooheon's cheek that sends shivers down his spine and makes his face go up in flames.

 

_There he blows, there he blows again, pulsing through my vein._

There are times when dealing with Minhyuk is like having a time-bomb set into motion for Jooheon. He never knows when he's going to  _blow_ destroying everything, himself included. It is said that those who look the most carefree actually bear the heaviest weights and fight the cruelest demons and it could not be truer for Minhyuk.

Jooheon knew from the start that something was broken inside of him but he never had the presumption to fix it, whatever that was. Jooheon has always believed that you cannot fix other people and that it has to come from them. You can stay by their side, support them, even guide them but you cannot glue the pieces back together for them. It is arrogant to think that you can be their saviour. In Minhyuk's specific case, he is not looking for anyone to rescue him either. He only wants a shoulder to lean and Jooheon is more than willing to give him that.

Minhyuk has told Jooheon the truth about how suffocating his hometown was and how he had always wanted to get out of there. He was sick of the close-mindedness and the lack of opportunities. The atmosphere in his household was dreadful, with his parents fighting every other day and him having to bear with it without any support from his brother who had already escaped. His brother is his polar opposite and they can barely get along but at least he had some sympathy for him and let him work for him to save some moeny for his studies. The thing that hurt him the most was that at a certain point he found himself alone, with no friends. The ones he loved had all left. He was alone for the longest time. Among all things, loneliness was the one that messed his head up the most. It made his thoughts hazy and unfocused, hurtful and pessimistic, even deadly. However, he knew life could be better. Life had been better. When you have felt joy once, you are aware that there is a way to get that bliss back. You need to act though. Minhyuk acted and that is why he is here now, in order to turn his life upside down. But sometimes fighting back the impulse to let himself sleep for eternity without having to worry about anything anymore is extremely challenging.

The truth is, the life that has been turned upside down is Jooheon's. Being there for Minhyuk is not always a walk in the park. Jooheon is usually patient but Minhyuk is always testing him with his short temper and the tendency to try and start fights with him to solve their issues. Jooheon understands that that is what he has been used to but he also knows that Minhyuk wants to change. He does everything he can to help him see another way around it and Minhyuk is always sorry when he ends up shouting at him. He tries hard to have a different attitude so Jooheon tries to bear with it.

Minhyuk barely cries. He piles everything up and then explodes for the most trivial reasons. You can never expect when he is going to lose it and it can get quite hard to handle him when he does. Even if tears well up in his eyes just because his slice of bread has fallen on the wrong side, staining the tablecloth with jam that he doesn't want to clean up, Jooheon knows that those tears have to do with something totally different, pain, negativity and stress that have accumulated and are now coming out triggered by the smallest, silliest event. He wipes the jam and the tears away, holds him tight and tells him everything is going to be okay, hoping he believes it.

What Jooheon finds the hardest is dealing with Minhyuk's loneliness. Even though they spend most of their time together, Jooheon knows that himself alone is not enough for him and that he needs other people. But Minhyuk has gotten used to spending time alone indoors and it is difficult for him to change his habits, which makes it hard for him to make new friends. Mostly, they go to each other's places when they meet. When they are at Jooheon's he tries to get Minhyuk to hang out with his flatmates. He is extremely friendly when he feels comfortable enough. He makes jokes and laughs and talks out loud and clings onto everyone and is hyper. When Jooheon thinks of a person like Minhyuk enclosed within four walls it makes him sorry. There is nothing wrong with enjoying one's time indoors but a small room can't contain Minhyuk's energy. Minhyuk is aware that he needs to go out more but often he doesn't have the strength.

Jooheon can sense his will to live. It's always  _pulsing through his veins_ and the reason why he loves him is that he can feel him inside himself. Whenever they kiss, there is so much passion spreading from Minhyuk's body that sends strong impulses all over Jooheon's. He has never felt this way before. He has never wanted to get physical with someone as much as he needs to with him. He loves every inch of his body as much as he loves every inch of his soul, one being the perfect reflection of the other. Sometimes it is hard for Jooheon to think that the same bed can host both the living corpse that can lie there for hours without moving a muscle apart from the fingers scrolling through the timeline of a social network, and the dominating body that excites him so much when they have sex. He accepts it all though. Staying by Minhyuk's side when he doesn't want to do anything is just as much of a blessing for him. Lying next to him, his heartbeat is steady, he is calm and relaxed, and cuddling or just sleeping in each other's arms feels just as heavenly. When he holds him, stroking his smooth hair and kissing his forehead softly, Jooheon feels that everything is right and hopes that the other can feel the same way.

There are times when dealing with Minhyuk is like having a time-bomb set into motion for Jooheon. Nevertheless, he works hard to stop it from exploding and, when he is not able to, he is willing to endure the wounds while stitching Minhyuk's.

 

_There he goes, there he goes again, he calls my name, pulls my train, no one else could heal my pain._

Minhyuk makes it obvious when he needs someone to care for him and Jooheon doesn't think twice before helping him. He likes being to other people's side, listening and giving aid, often to the point of neglecting himself. He also gets tired, sad and angry. He also has his demons. He also needs someone to lean on. He also feels like crying sometimes. Minhyuk knows that Jooheon is no superhero. He is aware that he has no superhuman strength to sustain the problems of the both of them. He realizes that his boyfriend needs him. Indeed, the reason why Jooheon is willing to support Minhyuk is that he knows he is always going to do the same for him.

Jooheon is too kind and that is why he has been betrayed and taken advantage of by people close to him before. He barely trusts anyone anymore but he knows he can rely on the man he is with now. He means it when he says that he loves Minhyuk's earnestness because it is hard to find people who are always true to themselves and to others. He knows that often he is not as sincere but he wants to open up to him. He wants him to know his struggles and Minhyuk is willing to accept them and challenge them together with him.

Jooheon is afraid of not being acknowledged. He is afraid of being taken for granted like other people have done before. “You're too good and this will let people feel entitled to use you” and “being everyone's friend is like having no friends” were the things he would hear the most coming from people close to him. At first he didn't care and continued to do what he could do better: being there for anyone _indiscriminately_. Until he realized he had been used and backstabbed, and felt that there was not a single soul left that cared for him. At that point, he knew the only people he could trust were the ones who did not call his name just to take advantage of him. Minhyuk does not call his name only when he needs something from him. He _calls his name_ when they sleep together and he wakes him up in the morning, with gentle kisses covering his whole face. He calls his name when Jooheon comes back home from a visit to his parents and he runs to him as soon as he steps off the train. He calls his name when he has locked himself in the bathroom crying for another of his irrelevant problems that however could never be unimportant to Minhyuk, who bangs on the door menacingly threatening to kick it down if Jooheon does not let him in and tell him what is going on.

Jooheon is wrecked by his weakness easily but is able to hide it well most times. Others, he feels so down that he wants to give up everything, from school to music. That is when Minhyuk takes it in his hands to _ pull his train.  _ Minhyuk does not have any goal yet, he has no idea what he is aiming for so when he feels unmotivated he knows there is a reason. He knows he still needs to find himself. But his boyfriend has big ambitions and he can't stand to see that all go to waste. Minhyuk doesn't care about patience when it comes to Jooheon. He doesn't feel like treating him with compassion when he hears him say that he wants to give up. He prefers to say it in his face that he has to be grateful that he has a scope in life and that reaching it has to be hard to be worth it. Although laziness is always trying to eat him up and sometimes he would like things to be easier to achieve, Jooheon knows Minhyuk is right. He is thankful that he is there to remind him the value of hardships.

Although he is still convinced that only you can save yourself, that doesn't mean Jooheon doesn't see how helpful other people can be as a medicine for bad weathers and Minhyuk is the sunshine that can clear the clouds over him and _ heal his pain.  _ It is enough for him to meet even just a couple hours a day to be in a better mood. His smile brightens up and fills the room and that is why Jooheon can't stand it when it desappears from his face. In those moments he knows he needs to become his star even just to give him a small glint in all the darkness that threatens to smother him. He knows he has to be his light, and that, without forcing himself on him and blinding him, he will always be there when Minhyuk needs to turn it on.

 

_There he goes, there he goes again, chasing down my lane, and I just can't contain this feeling that remains._

Jooheon still remembers one time Minhyuk came over to his flat. He spent the time separating him from the other's arrival waiting for him, looking out on the street, until he saw him  _ chasing down his lane _ , and opened the window to call him. Minhyuk smiled his brightest smile and shouted in his direction so that he could be heard even from the fourth floor where his boyfriend's flat was.

“Honey, here I go!”

Jooheon  _ couldn't contain that feeling that remained _ of wanting Minhyuk to say that to him forever. Maybe they are still too young now and maybe their mood swings, the threatening weight of their demons and their vulnerability are going to be hard to oppose, but for once Jooheon wants to dive into the difficulties headfirst and face them for real. He doesn't mind things being hard anymore now that he has realized that he is not alone in his battles. Being each other's life jackets, they are not going to drown. He still thinks that no boat is going to come and save them but as long as they swim hard, sooner or later they are going to catch a glimpse of land again. And when they do, Jooheon is going to ask Minhyuk to settle down on the island they have found. Maybe it will be shaken by earthquakes or threatened by a volcano but they will just sigh and think  _ there it goes  _ and survive it all again. 

**Author's Note:**

> hello again, thank you for reading everything   
> I just want to say, I quite care about the things I wrote because there's a lot of personal struggle that I threw in  
> just like Minhyuk's character, sometimes I need to let things out and that was one way to do it  
> I hope you've enjoyed this little fic, stay hydrated and live a healthy and merry life


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